Sexual Fulfillment: Up to you or others?

[This post was originally created on May 26, 2016.]

(Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash)

“You know Jaz, I’m a very sexual person and have a lot to give. And I feel frustrated because I don’t have a partner to give it to or to release it to.” Was one thing a friend of mine said to me while conversing over the topic. And I know my friend is not the only one who think this way. Most persons in this world think the way my friend does. 

So in regards to sexual fulfillment, we believe that we can only be fulfilled sexually by another person. That we 'need' a partner to really release our sexuality, to really express our sexuality, our state of arousal. And that is not true (of our course we experience fulfillment with our partners, but my point is another). Imagine if someone has a deep craving to give the explosion within them. If they’re approaching you, how do you think you’ll experience that of the other person? Do you think that you’re going to be open with open arms ready to receive this persons explosion? People don’t want to feel like they’re simply the recipient of that frustration. This is one common false assumption that most people have. Sexual fulfillment starts with you, is created by you. We are definitely able to enjoy a beautiful sexual encounter with our partner and experience ecstasy, and at the same time, you’re not limited to only that experience to feel sexually fulfilled. You’re able to experience this state of fulfillment on your own as well. And these are the things that most of us are not aware of.

So how do we actually reach sexual fulfillment on our own? Perhaps most of you are thinking that masturbation is what I’m talking about. And although this is one way to go about it, what I’m really talking about is the essence of sexuality, which is not only limited to the act of sex.

This is one of the other false assumptions, is that sexuality is only limited to the act of sex…and it’s not. Sexuality is a form of life energy, of creative energy. It’s how we express our true gifts; it’s what we create in life…any kind of creation. It’s not limited to being creative in an artistic way as in painting or writing music, although that is part of it. I’m talking about anything… creating a website, building a building, cooking, gardening, creating solutions, experiences, open spaces, anything! Whatever it is that is true for you to create, whatever makes you curious to create in any given moment, that is you expressing and creating. And guess where this comes from? This is sexuality.

Going on a tangent but relevant to the topic…Consumption.  We all consume. But many of us identify ourselves very much to being a consumer. And of course part of our consumption is required to stay alive as in consuming air, food, and water. But many of us are very much attached to consuming most of our time…listening to music or conversations, reading, watching movies, tv, etc. You’re intaking information instead of expressing. So think of all of this information that you’re consuming every single day, it’s A LOT, isn’t it? It’s all information coming, in, in, in, and more in. There’s probably very little coming out of you (most of you, not all).  In essence, there’s a bunch of shit coming in, and none of your gold coming out. Now think of yourself for a second as a creator and not a consumer. In comparison to you as a consumer, to what percentage would you say you’re creating in life? I bet it’s much less than that what you consume, right? And you know what, don’t beat yourself up for it. You’re not alone. Most of society has been conditioned that way. With that said, we are all innate creators. We all have something(s) to create and express. We all have our unique gifts to share to this world. Are you currently sharing this gift to others? Or are you keeping it to yourself? Or perhaps you don’t know what your unique gift is, and that’s ok. But you most certainly have something to give. We all do.

And going back to creating. One important thing to mention is that I’m not talking about creating because you have to, or because you should, or because someone told you to, or creating because if not, others are going to be upset. Creation from fear is not creation, it’s a construct, you’re constructing. Creating is coming from your true and pure self (some would call it coming from a space of love, your essence, your being).

So, creation and expression. What is coming out of you? What are you sharing?

How does this relate again to sexual fulfillment? If you have questions or comments, feel free to express them. ;)

Actually, I’ll mention a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ about self sexual fulfillment on the erotic level. However you wish for a lover to be with you, are you doing that for yourself? If not, that’s a good starting point. What can you provide for yourself that you’d want others to provide you with? Perhaps it’s a soft touch, love, attention, loving words, or something else. My point is, give this to yourself. No one can make you feel complete other than yourself. Accept and embrace yourself. And of course, fulfill yourself in any way that is true for you. You create your experiences, no one else can.